Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
