I think I died a long time ago.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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