glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
