He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
