this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
