saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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