Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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