Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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