Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm both gender and math confused
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I did not marry a roomba.
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