please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
