erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
MIDGETS
????
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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