i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
