My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
50% drunk capacity currently
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
