Got a toothbrush?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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