dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dignity is for republicans.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
