this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
