I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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