I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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