dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
