Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
