Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize