I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
