those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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