I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
