Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Your penis caused this!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
