Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Randomize
