Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
