Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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