woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
