you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
