you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize