Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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