She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
