wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
