Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
