There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
