I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
