I CAN MOONWALK!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize