Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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