bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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