seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
