some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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