watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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