ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize