we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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