When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Say something about gay babies.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She's the barista slut.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
