Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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