it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
no you cant smoke seaweed
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
