Who wears a wallet chain?!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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