I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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