my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
you're hired as official boob wrangler
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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