You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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