I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
