can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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