Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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