I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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