her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
