life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
