I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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