is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
