Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
as a side note pls kill me
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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