His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
