YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
