and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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