You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
