Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
