Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
