Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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