Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
