cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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