sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
