woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
