is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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