i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
