if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Four minutes until I can fart!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
