I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
